Am I a failure?

Am I a failure?

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Am I a failure?

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Have I not lived up to expectations?

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Have I let myself down?

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Yes.

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Many times.

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We all are.

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But just because we fail once.

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Or a hundred times.

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That doesn’t make us a failure.

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We cannot let one incident or moment define our whole life.

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I refuse to.

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The last 10 days have been bothering me.

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Went from everything was normal to everything flipped on its head very fast.

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I got Luka’d.

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All good one day.

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All gone the next day.

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In reality, it’s fine.

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I’ll be fine.

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I’ll get back on my feet.

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Come back stronger.

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Come back better.

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But this situation has ruined my confidence a bit.

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It’s hurt my self-esteem.

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It’s made me think of myself as a failure.

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Why?

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For what?

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All I did was write what was on my mind.

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Publish it on my personal website.

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Then boom.

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It exploded in my face.

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Do I regret writing that piece?

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No.

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Do I regret posting it?

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Maybe a bit.

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But I did it.

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I can’t change the past.

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I can’t go back pretending the past didn’t happen.

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It did.

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I need to accept it.

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And move on.

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I already have.

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My brain sprung into action quickly.

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Have convos lined up with multiple folks already on my future.

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And yet I feel like I’m in a rush.

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A rush to start again.

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To go again.

To continue in the rat race.

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To be successful.

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To earn more money.

To show them what they missed.

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But why?

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Why not stop?

Relax?

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Take some time off?

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Why can’t I settle into that?

I don’t know.

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Think it’s this fear.

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This fear I’ve carried my whole life.

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The fear of failure.

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Of not living up to expectations.

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Of letting my family down.

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Of letting myself down.

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I was blessed with so much and I can’t let it all go away.

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I can’t lose it.

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I won’t.

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Yet this fear is not real.

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Objectively, I’ve been super successful.

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Done more in my 29 years than people have accomplished in a lifetime.

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Yet it doesn’t feel like enough.

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Feels like I should be doing more.

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Could be doing more.

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Why?

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Is this what being obsessive is like?

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Never stop?

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That’s what I feel like sometimes.

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Gotta keep going.

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Keep learning.

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Keep reading.

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Keep growing.

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Keep working.

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Always.

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Till you die.

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And for what?

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For what purpose?

To prove what to who?

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Remember.

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You don’t owe anyone anything.

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You don’t have to prove anything to anyone.

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You’ve already won.

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You’re living the life you want.

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Have great people around you.

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People who care about you.

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Happy.

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Healthy.

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So what someone didn’t want you part of their organization?

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It’s their loss.

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Not yours.

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You’re destined for great things.

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Always have been.

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So why are you worrying about this?

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Why are you stressed about this moment?

This was good.

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This was the universe telling you to change direction.

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To change course.

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To do something different.

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It’s forced you into a decision now.

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And no matter what you choose, you will be fine.

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You will be more than fine.

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You are not a failure.

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You’ve already won.

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