Can love be manufactured?

Can love be manufactured?

‍

Can love be manufactured?

Can it be created?

‍

Or is it more than that?

‍

Is it timing?

‍

Shared experiences?

Compatibility?

‍

Similar upbringings?

Similar values?

How do you define love?

How are successful couples built?

‍

You hear stories of people who met once then went to build a great life together.

You also hear people who have been together every day for a decade break up out of nowhere.

‍

So what is love?

Is it just a feeling?

Or can it be created?

‍

Sparked?

‍

I’m not sure.

Grew up believing that the way to find a partner was a love marriage.

‍

Two people randomly meet and they fall in love out of nowhere.

‍

But in Indian culture, arranged marriages were common.

‍

Especially during my parents and grandparents generation.

‍

Never understood why when I was a kid.

‍

Thought it made no sense.

‍

But as I’ve grown up, I’ve changed my mind.

‍

Maybe there is something to arranged marriages.

‍

To get families together rather than individuals.

‍

To allow families to select the next person to bring into the household.

‍

Do arranged marriages work?

‍

They have generations of history saying they do.

‍

But how many of them had women in the relationships hating their life and marriage, and only doing it for her kids or husband?

Plus the shame that came with being divorced.

‍

And yet, these marriages lasted.

‍

Stood the test of time.

‍

They were resilient.

‍

Battled through a lot.

‍

Constant fighting.

‍

But they suffered together.

‍

They chose each other and the family unit rather than their individual feelings.

‍

Sometimes it’s too much.

‍

In which case, you should get divorced.

‍

But often times it’s small things.

‍

Small changes.

‍

Small differences.

‍

These can build over time, but usually it’s just someone’s ego and pride.

‍

One expects the other partner to assume things about them.

‍

To read their minds.

‍

Women do this a lot.

‍

Make a lot of assumptions that their partner knows what they’re thinking about.

‍

They usually don’t.

‍

Men are dumb.

‍

Especially socially.

‍

They are logical.

‍

Not emotional.

‍

Most don’t know how to read rooms or people.

‍

They just act.

‍

If you expect them to always know how you’re thinking and feeling, good luck.

‍

They don’t.

‍

But the successful marriages know this.

‍

They know that they love the person for who they are.

‍

Not who they want them to be.

‍

They don’t run at the first sign of trouble.

‍

They stick it out.

‍

They decide that the unit is more important.

‍

Up to a point.

‍

Eventually, everybody hits a tipping point.

‍

We were there.

‍

I saw it.

‍

It was so close.

‍

And thankfully it didn’t.

‍

They stuck it out.

They battled.

‍

They lasted.

‍

Now look what they’ve built.

‍

An incredible family unit.

‍

Proud of them.

‍

My parents.

‍

Learned a lot about relationships by observing them.

‍

Good and bad.

‍

They’ve grown to love each other over time.

‍

Even when they hated each other.

‍

They relied on each other.

‍

The family unit didn’t work without either of them.

‍

As much as my mom raised us, my dad provided.

‍

Without his hard work and effort, we’re nowhere close to where we are today.

‍

But without my mom raising the kids, there is no family unit either.

‍

They both needed each other.

‍

That’s love.

‍

Real love.

‍

They still talk to each other.

‍

They still get along.

‍

Most of the time.

‍

They call each other out.

‍

Even if the other person doesn’t want to hear them.

‍

My dad is logical.

‍

My mom is emotional.

‍

But it works.

‍

They love each other.

‍

They do.

‍

Did they know that when they started?

Probably not.

‍

They were chosen for each other.

‍

Met a few times, then got married.

‍

That was it.

‍

For my generation, the game has changed.

‍

Now everyone has access to the world at their fingertips.

‍

Believing that the person across the planet will be the one for them.

‍

Marriage used to be local.

‍

Now it’s global.

‍

Dating using to be community-based.

Now it’s digital.

‍

Meeting people at bars or parties used to be common.

‍

Now we’re all staring at our phones instead.

‍

So how do you find love today?

‍

Is it just two people staring at their phones next to each other?

Or is it more than that?

Is it more than the nervous feeling you get when you see them?

‍

Or how they make you feel in bed?

Is it alignment?

‍

Similar value system?

Similar hobbies?

Similar perspectives?

‍

Similar childhoods?

Similar economic backgrounds?

‍

Similar emotional maturity?

‍

Maybe it’s just timing.

‍

The right person at the right time.

‍

Does that mean they’ll be the right person forever?

‍

Maybe.

‍

Maybe not.

‍

But I do think we can learn something from arranged marriages.

‍

From the way love used to be manufactured.

‍

It’s more than just the two individuals.

‍

It’s the two families.

‍

The two histories.

‍

It’s a shared value system.

‍

Do you want similar things?

‍

Do you have similar goals?

‍

Do your families match up?

‍

Those things matter.

‍

They do to me.

‍

This is why I’m optimistic.

‍

I believe my person is out there.

‍

Am I going to find them through traditional methods?

Maybe.

‍

But maybe not.

‍

So time to be open to new possibilities.

‍

Time to try something different.

‍

Time to put yourself in a position where love can be manufactured.

Let’s see how it goes.

‍