I didn't feel a connection

I didn’t feel a connection:

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‘I didn’t feel a connection.’

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Got that from someone today after a first date.

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Went to a bar last night.

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Had a great conversation with a girl.

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Was excited to get to know her.

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Then boom.

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‘I didn’t feel a connection’ so we’re done.

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Damn.

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It hit hard today.

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Shot through the ego.

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Shot through the idea that everyone likes you.

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Shot through the concept that you’re a great person.

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It hurt.

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It stung.

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It made me angry.

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And yet, I’m so grateful.

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Thank god she said no.

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If she didn’t want to spend more time with me, why should I feel the same?

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Relationships take two people.

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Not one.

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But two.

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Two need to be invested.

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Sometimes one person has to put more effort than the other.

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But both have to be open to the idea.

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Going into a first date and not feeling an instant connection is a horrible way to judge a date.

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If you don’t believe me, listen to a relationship expert.

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Lori Gottlieb, one of the best in the world.

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Check out this video where she talks about the pitfalls of dating today.

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The first part of the conversation talks about how girls dismiss guys for such small things.

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The host mentioned that one of his friends wouldn’t go on a date with a guy because he had boxes in the background of one of his photos.

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That’s it.

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That’s why she wouldn’t see him.

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Are you kidding me?

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You’re dismissing someone because of that?

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This is the thing that online dating has done.

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It has reduced everyone to photos and taglines.

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You’ll be judged based on how well you take pictures and if you can text.

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Then when you get in person, it’s different. 

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If someone doesn’t feel some divine spark on the first date.

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They’re gone.

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Boom, disappeared.

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Some people won’t give it a chance.

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They know they can just move on to the next one.

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But as Lori Gottlieb said, relationships take time.

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You can’t expect to find a great partner spending a few hours with someone then dismissing them because you didn’t feel a ‘spark’.

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Whatever that means.

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Lori talks about people coming to therapy after a first date.

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She mentions a study where the happiest couples ended up feeling ok about the person after the first few times they met vs. the people who got divorced ended up being infatuated with the other person on the first date.

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What’s her advice?

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If you had a good time with that person, see them again.

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See where it goes.

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But to dismiss someone based on one interaction when you had a good time is your loss.

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Maybe it’s just me.

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Maybe it’s just hard to date.

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Maybe it’s just hard to find a woman who wants to get to know you.

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I don’t know.

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Online dating sucks.

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Yet it’s the necessary evil all single people go through.

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It’s just frustrating when you bring yourself to a date, have a good time and immediately get dismissed.

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It sucks.

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Yet, that’s life.

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You’re not supposed to be accepted by everyone.

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You’re not supposed to be liked by everyone.

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You’re not supposed to get along with everyone.

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You’re supposed to find your group and your people.

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People who want to show up for you.

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Let everyone else go.

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If you don’t want to be in my life, good.

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I don’t need you in mine.

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Why spend my time and energy on people who don’t want to spend it with me?

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That is a losing battle.

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Every. Single. Time.

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Instead, find someone who wants to be with you.

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Who wants to get to know you.

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Who wants to learn about you.

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Who’s interested in you.

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If they’re not, let them go.

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It’s not worth your time and energy.

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So thanks stranger for letting me know you didn’t ‘feel a connection.’

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It’s your loss.

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Not mine.

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