Why do you second-guess yourself

Why do you second-guess yourself:

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Why do you second-guess yourself?

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Why do you sit there and wait?

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Why do you think someone else’s judgment of your decisions is more important than your own?

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Stop it.

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Stop all of it.

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Send the message.

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Take the risk.

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Jump.

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When you’ve done it in your career, it has worked.

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And when it hasn’t, it has always ended up being better for you.

The universe doesn’t make mistakes.

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When one door closes, another opens.

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But it only helps those who choose to keep going through doors.

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Those who take action.

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Those who try.

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Those who put their ass on the line.

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Who go out and ask for what they want.

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And if they can’t get it, they figure out how.

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Was on a date last night.

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Decent.

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Think the girl used me for dinner, but whatever.

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Such are the problems of modern-day dating.

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Anyway, we were talking about taking risks.

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About trying.

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She was telling me how she just moved away from her parents.

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33 years old and never lived outside her house her entire life.

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She’s financially successful.

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Done well for herself.

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Could have moved out a long time ago, but chose not to.

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She’s been so babied.

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So coddled.

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So comfortable her entire life.

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I told her how I left my house at 17 years old.

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Moved halfway around the world on my own.

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And had to figure it out.

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Talked a little about all the things I’ve done till now, including climbing Kilimanjaro this year.

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And she hits me with this.

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Well, moving out was my big risk

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My first thought was, seriously?

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That’s your big risk?

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You think you’re so smart and successful, and yet you can’t live alone?

But then I thought about it, and I’m wrong.

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Everyone has their own timeline.

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Her personal growth was held back.

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She could never truly experience what it was to be alone.

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To live alone.

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To come home to an empty house.

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Not just one that’s a 20-minute drive from your parents.

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But one halfway around the world where you don’t know anyone.

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I’ve lived that life.

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I’ve done that.

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I’ve experienced that.

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Most people haven’t.

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And yet sometimes I find myself thinking about how other people perceive me.

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How they perceive my experience.

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How they think about who I am or what I’ve done.

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Some are interested.

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Most are not.

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But the thing I can’t get over is this: why should I care what they have to say about my life and my choices?

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Why?

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And yet I do it.

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I still do.

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I still worry about sending the message.

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Or being too myself.

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Or hearing my friends tell me before my dates ‘remember, don’t be yourself.’

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I hear the judgment in my friends’ voices when I tell them how many first dates I’ve been on.

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Like I’m the problem.

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Like it’s my fault I’m single at 31.

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Listen, I know it is.

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I know I am to blame.

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But I also have no interest in being in a relationship with just anyone.

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I could go on tons of dates tomorrow.

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And I have.

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But if you pick the wrong person to be in a relationship with, what’s the point?

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I’d much rather be single than be with the wrong person.

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Maybe I’m overthinking.

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Maybe I’m too much.

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But I’ve also been in situations where I want to pursue someone and they don’t feel the same way.

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They reject me.

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Nothing I can do about that.

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But here’s what’s taken me so long to figure out.

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For so long I just wanted to be liked.

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To be smart.

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To get along.

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Now I’m done with that.

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I don’t care if people think I’m smart.

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I don’t need to be liked.

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In fact, I’m not.

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I know I’m not, especially in my previous work circles.

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People talk shit about me and who I am.

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Why?

Because I’m different.

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I’m not like everyone else.

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And I refuse to ever be like anyone else.

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I am me.

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I will always be me.

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I’ve lived an incredibly lucky life.

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But I’ve also worked my ass off to get here.

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So why should I give a shit about some random person who knows nothing about me telling me what’s right and wrong?

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Why do I care so much?

Why do I still care?

Why do I have this external need for validation when I know how internally amazing I already am?

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I don’t know, man.

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All I know is I still do it.

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I still second-guess myself.

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Guess that tells you we’re all just figuring it out.

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